So, last week for work Claudia and I went backpacking in the Zirkel Wilderness because 1 of our plots was too far to hike in and out of in 1 day. I haven't camped yet all summer so I was super excited. The hike up was about 4.5 mi... not bad at all. A couple of sucky steep parts, but a lot of flat winding parts of the trail to balance it out. Parts of the trail took us through some parts of the forest that had burned about 5 years back. It was really fascinating how the fires just STOPPED in some areas. There's this whole load of charred and ashy trees and then all of a sudden it reverts back to live trees. No buffer... just live trees all of a sudden. Anyways, Claudia and I don't really hike together because she is a speed demon and I take it slowwww. Needless to say I had a lot of time to reflect and basically have internal monologues alla JD from Scrubs. Also, talking uses up a lot of much needed oxygen.
The way up I needed to distract myself with a game because during the steep parts I found myself basically just telling myself how tired i was and when is this part over yaddah yaddah. Therefore, as with so many aspects of my life, I looked to Michael G. Scott for inspiration. In the episode "Branch Wars" where Michael, Dwight, and (reluctantly) Jim go to Utica to prank Karen, they are in the car and they briefly play the game that's like A my name is Alan and my wife's name is Alice we live in Alaska and we sellllll.......". Well that's quite easy to play in your own head. I think I ended up playing 2 rounds of that. I invented some thematic versions to keep myself semi-challenged. The first round the thing that we sold had to be a drug or some slang version of a drug and the second round the people had to be names of people that I knew and they had to live in places that I had actually been. Unfortunately, I don't have any friends named Ulysses or Xena, so sometimes I allowed myself to cheat. This tactic worked wonders, and before I knew it I had conquered the steep section. On the other hand, I had alphabet on the brain... so I proceeded to sing A you're a adorable, B you're so beautiful, C you're a cutie full of pie (??? lyrics).... Thanks for the inspiration Grandma :). It's weird how the mind can keep itself so occupied.
On the way down, (try to follow along with this craziness) I said to myself... my back hurts... as it tends to do when you have a 30lb pack on. Naturally "my back hurts" led me to Jim Gaffigan in his "Beyond the Pale" stand-up special in which he claims his back hurts after eating a Hot Pocket. Then OBVIOUSLY I started to compare and contrast backpacking to Hot Pockets. Allow me to lay out the mental Venn diagram that crossed through my mind.
**DISCLAIMER: All of my Hot Pocket research is drawn from Gaffigan and not from experience... I have never eaten one. Do not reference this blog for your next exposé on questionable processed microwavable edibles**
On the 2 outer sections of the circles, we have where the 2 differ. This is easy. Backpacking is good for you. It improves your physical health as well as provides many therapeutic benefits. A single Hot Pocket would probably eat your digestive system's lining faster than your own stomach acid. Backpacking involves a single pack, while Hot Pockets come in packs of 2. The former is best enjoyed with others. The latter- take heed sharing with others especially if only 1 bathroom is available. Finally, one burns calories and the other burns your taste-buds clean off. The intersection of the 2 circles contains more similarities than 1 would think. As we have discussed, they both make your back hurt. They both make you have to poop at inconvenient times. They both can make you a bit light-headed and sleepy. And both should be undertaken only when accompanied by a CamelBak full of water.
So there you have it. That's what I thought about while out in beautiful, picturesque forests... I hope you feel enlightened. I know I really broke some new ground here.
For those of you unfamiliar with Jim Gaffigan's rant about Hot Pockets: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-i9GXbptog
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